Me vs Emergency

I've seen just about everything......busted heads, spines sticking out of road burned backs, puss filled cysts, broken bones, gaping holes in the chest....
I usually approach these situations in a calm and collected manner.
 I am in control, and useful during these times.....I am the person you want there to help.

Unless the emergency involves my husband or children....
Useless doesn't begin to describe me in these situations.



Me  vs   Emergency
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Emergency:
3 children fall face first from an out of control, speed demon porch swing....directly onto concrete....from about 5 feet.
Me:
I quickly assess the situation. I conclude that the child who's entire body flipped over their head, twisting their neck backwards, needs my attention first and act accordingly.

VS

Emergency:
My nephew is playing with the rod that opens the mini blinds. Nae, who is 3 at the time, begins to scream.
Me:
Wildly crash though the house to get to her, while visualizing that someone has ripped her arm from her body and is beating her with it.
As I enter the room I see that her arm is attached BUT this rod is sticking out of her eye.......HER FREAKING EYE!

Do I?
A) take control of the situation, and quickly stabilize the rod to prevent further damage
B) call 9-1-1
C) run away screaming for my mama, leaving my 3 year old, and her eye, to fend for themselves

The correct answer is: C
As soon as she turned towards me and I saw that rod, I did a complete 180 and RAN from the room screaming for my Mama.
I then proceeded to lock myself in my mothers room so I could pace & wail about how my poor baby was gonna have to wear a pirate patch..........
What occurred was a complete and utter loss of my senses.
Luckily my sister was there to help Nae with her rod in the eye dilemma.


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Emergency:
Car battery explodes in a guys face as he tries to jump start a car, spraying battery acid in his eyes.
Me:
Snatch the man by his collar, as he runs in circles in my yard, and drag him to the shower. Where his girlfriend & I flood his face and eyes with water to flush the acid.
Calm and Cool.......just jumped into action. Super Simple

VS

Emergency:
Bre (age 2) is running thru the house like a wild indian.
She trips at full speed and slams, head first, into the corner of the fridge & lays there without making a sound or moving.

Me:
Telling her to stop running, just seconds before...I am not surprised when I see her trip BUT I am petrified when I hear the cracking noise her head makes as it connected with the corner.

Do I?

A) run to her and see if she is ok
B) call 9-1-1
C) stand stock still, because if I make a noise...... shes gonna wake up, which is gonna lead to getting up... and her brains gonna fall clean out.

The correct answer is: C
Yep,got a baby down and I am playing emergency freeze tag.
I stood about 20 feet away and waited several seconds before I quietly said "Bre?? you ok?"......... from across the dadgum room!!
In my head, if I just stood real still  & quiet.....her brains would think no one was home, and would crawl back inside her head. Made total sense at the time.....for real.
It was a good thing that Nae was home and had the good sense to go pick her little sister up off the floor, as I yelled "dont move her brains!!" from my special emergency spot across the room. 

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Emergency: 
A man I once knew......shoots himself in the chest right in front of me....... twice.
Me:
 As soon as the second shot rang out, I was busting thru the house to call 9-1-1 and demanding a chopper because the injury was just right of the heart and main aorta. I knew an ambulance wasnt an option. 
I then ran back outside to keep pressure on the wound until help arrived. 
Never hesitated.....Never panicked.....just did the common sense stuff. 
* he survived*

VS

Emergency:
I am approx 8 months pregnant with Ayla, and I come home from work to eat lunch.
Josh is pale, sweating, short of breath and nearly in tears from chest pains

Me:
This is what a heart attack looks like.....I know this.......
Dont freak out.....you always freak out.......you cant freak out this time.

Do I??

A) Immediately rush him to the emergency room
B) Call 9-1-1
C) Google "signs of a heart attack" while uselessly counting his pulse......... because Google knows everything & people don't die as long as you count their pulse.

The correct answer is: C

I have no logical explanation for this.......it is purely by the grace of God I eventually had enough sense to drive him to the hospital after confirming, THRU GOOGLE, that he was indeed showing signs of a heart attack. 
He should have run me over with a gurney as soon as the the magic "stop having a heart attack" pill kicked in. 



SUMMARY:
In the wake of a Zombie Apocalypse......... my family is screwed 
BUT 
If anyone else needs help............. I'm your gal.