Parental Questioning for Idiots.

If you ever see me out with my children, and are tempted to make a comment about how many of them there are, how we can afford it, or if we are aware of how they are  made.....*which is my favorite intrusive question by the way*........let me save us both some time.

Here is a quick troubleshooting guide:
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YES they are ALL mine...... Even the one eating his boogers.

YES I am aware of how to prevent pregnancy and how babies are made *obviously we ROCK at making em*......I have not, however, found a cure for verbal diarrhea & brain disfunction.
Which you sadly suffer from.

NO we do not plan to have more.......but If we change our mind you will NOT be notified........because you dont matter.......sorry.

You may ask how we can afford it.... AFTER we recieve proof that you have paid at least 12 months of our mortgage.
Otherwise its none of your business.

Why so many????.......well...... someone had to do the dishes......child labor....duh!

Yes my husband is glad to have a son....you are quite clever for noticing that one of our kids is not like the others, BUT he is not more treasured than our girls .....he has a penis, not a gold nugget, between his legs.
So save your "bet you're glad you had at least one boy" comments.........
It offends my ovaries.

I am not a better woman than you, but my mother was obviously better than yours..... The fact that I have some tact & manners proves that.
You may wanna talk to your mama about your severe lack of those 2 character traits......They are kinda important.

While I am sure you think I should pull my uterus over my head & hide from the shame of going against social norms........I think that you should stretch a condom over your head to protect us both from your idiocy.
So I guess we are even.

Having a bunch of kids does not = government assistance.
Sooooooo I don't own a food stamp card........ but if I did, I would totally buy you a buggy full of food that's rich in vitamin shut the hell up.......cause you are an idiot.

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My husband & I are responsible and self sufficient adults, who CHOSE to parent 5 children......so spare us the CIA style interrogation.

Its interrupting our bow chicka wow wow-ing and awesome baby making flow.

Thanks & have a nice day :)