Worry=Wine

There are tons if things I didnt anticipate having to worry about as a mother.....It simply never occured to me.
It starts from the moment you become pregnant, and I suspect it will remain until they split the little bit of nothing I leave behind.

Whats that cramp?

Does this food have crap in it that will make my child a wacko after its born?

OMG.....I just tripped and my baby probably bashed its head against my spine... .

Should it kick this much?

Is it kicking enough?

Is this labor? No?......Wait, was that labor?

OMG this isnt normal labor !!! IM DYING!......Oh God I'm dead....

Is the baby breathing...is the baby breathing.....is the baby breathing....is the baby breathing?

Dawg ! My babys poopin black ! Heyyyyyyy somebody ! My baby has rot gut ! Helllllp !

Babies should be cooking for themselves by now right? ......

Why arent they talking yet?

Why dont they ever shut up?

Get down !!! Why do you wanna die 15 times a day....not normal.....going to see a doctor.

Am I too hard on em?

They are punks ! I gotta buckle down before someone winds up in the slammer......

Vaccines.......no vaccines....

Stranger Danger !!

Dogs bite...GMOs....

Ebola....yellow fever...H1N1....

Terrorist ........ school shootings....

My family is crazy.....did I pass the crazy gene to them?

The List Is ENDLESS!!!!!!!!

The latest worry is: Will my children mesh well with my friends kids in school.

What if they hate each other?
What if their kid is an ass......and my kid has to ninja them?
Or
My kid is an ass and they ninja my kid?!?!
**They better not mark up my kids pretty face !**

What will I do?
What will they do?
I get winded pretty easy.....can I still ninja folks?
I need a stick......yes....a stick will work.
Wait, do I really wanna take a stick to my friend?.....maybe we should talk it out.
What if they act crazy cause its their kid and I have to hate them?
Can I hate em?.....what if they hate me?!?!
Is that even possible? Im pretty awesome......I dont know.
Is my husband bigger than theirs?......that could work in a pinch.

Waaaait........what if their boy wants to date my girl and breaks her heart.

Ugh......Its a miracle I dont have a drinking problem.

Wait......does wine count as drinking?

OmGaaaaaah......Im a drunk.

--------All This and I dont have a single teenager yet---------