This is your brain........THIS is your brain with kids

Before I was a mother, I said I wouldnt do alot of things.
I had it all figured out......my plans were fail proof!

I wouldnt yell.....cause its stupid and accomplishes nothing

I would explain everything an reason with them.......they will just do it cause its reasonable....and cause I'm right.

Wiping snot off a kid with the hem of your shirt is just nasty.....not doin it

Kids aint eating junk....thats a given

Never gonna make scenes in public.....those moms are hood rats

Not gonna let myself go......noone will ever see me without makeup unless Im dead.

My kids wont play video games.....it makes em stupid.....

Moms that yell like they have no sense at sporting events are crazy.....that wont be me.

If I name my kids.....I will remember what it is and call the correct kid by the correct name.......easy peasy

All those moms with cars that smells like sour juice and skittles ....never gonna be me.

Then the kids came.....and I have no idea what happened.

You never know when you will catch me yelling " I have had ENOUGH!!"
And the most amazing thing happens........they shut up!....for minute

I attempt to reason with them.....but am convinced that " lets talk about this"  = " terminate all brain activity " to any children 6 and under. 

Not only will I allow them to eat junk on occassion, I will wipe their snot, with the hem of my shirt.....while they chew their junk.
Its just quicker.
--------*hangs head in shame*

I will go out in elastic banned clothing, with no makeup, in front of God and everybody......and will threaten to beat a midget down, with my house shoe, if they touch one more thing in the check out lane.
I Am the Hoodrat of all hoodrat mamas.
--------* forehead slap*

This is not widely known, to those who dont have children.......but  video games = quiet.
You will crave quiet like a heroine addict, so you will let them rot their brain, just so you can get your 30 min fix of quiet for the day.
--------*Hello, my name is Dana......Im a quiet addict . Its been 4 hours since I've hady last fix*

I have developed tourettes at all sporting events, that involve my children......I will sporatically yell out random things like noone is listening.

" Quit chewin that ball glove ! You're gonna get worms in your butt !!"

"There aint no crying in baseball!"

" Push my kid again and you'll need jesus!"

"RUN, RUN, RUN !!! YES BABY YESSSSSSSS !!!!!"
-------------*sigh*

The names.......ugh......why did I have to name em?
Why couldnt "hey you"  have been good enough? So I dont have to look like I kidnapped them and dont know their names??

" Aub....Nae....Ja....shit.....ummm.......whats your name?!? Ayla! Thats it!"

" *ahem* Ayla, did you spill your juice in the car again??....... Crap!!.......... Wheres your skittles?? "

Summary :

Children make you so brain damaged, you couldnt follow a map out of your own house.......much less plans you made before you had them.