Being a SAHM...........The easy road & truck loads of chicken shit

After working since I was 15.......making the decision to leave the workforce and focus on being a mother at 30, was hard.
I had never been a stay at home mom long term, and quite frankly I didnt think there would be much to it....

I had been a full time worker, a full time mom, a full time wife........psssssht.......being a stay at home mom would be a breeze!

I was finally going to join the ranks of those lucky mothers that got to take it easy.......YES !

I had plans:

House would be clean
Children would all be in line behaviorly
Husband would be super happy with all the meals that were home cooked with love.
I would have playdates
We would take trips to the park and walk in the evening during our free time.
I would attend every school function and class party
I would do lunch with friends at least once a week
My children would be happier because mommy would be with them all the time.
I would plant flowers

BIRDS WOULD SING AND RAINBOWS WOULD APPEAR, THEN A UNICORN WOULD ARRIVE........ PULLING A CART OF CHOCOLATE AND SUNSHINE............



If anyone really loved me back then..... they would have ran me, clean over, with a truck FULL of chicken shit.

What kind of super dope was I smoking???     Take it easy........truck full of chicken shit I tell ya!!

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My house is semi clean......but If you move anything out, I will have to kill you and bury you in the dust you found back there.


My children DO behave, but that's cause mommy is a tad unstable from being home too much.
Misbehavior makes her eye twitch and she starts talkin all calm...........totally creepy.

I'm home when it cooks........that totally qualifies frozen pizza, as a meal that is home cooked with love right????
 

Playdates......well I suck at those because I have found that I dislike most peoples children.
They tend to be brats......especially when I don't care much for their mother. ***just the truth, dont hate***


Trips to the park.....we do em, but then I got lazy and just made a park in the back yard. Go swing or something......


Walks during our free time in the evening.......HAAAAAA *deep breath* HAAAAAA .....omg I cant breathe.....free time......HA !


I only have time for major school events because taking the two toddlers into a function, makes me wanna pull my ovaries out thru my eye sockets......sooooo, I make up for the rest with harassing the kids poor teachers via FB and text.
Its a miracle one of em hasn't pooped in a box, and mailed it to my house.


Lunch with friends......aint nobody got time for that mess !!!!!! I eat toddler leftovers..........that is my life.
 

My children love their mother.......I insist upon it!.......but they are sick of my face.
They don't say it, but I see it in their eyes, as they leave for the rare stay over with family..........that " Thank God!!" expression is undeniable.
 

I aint mad tho..........
The minute they are out of sight...... I start walkin around the house naked, singing old Negro spirituals & hollerin:

 "FREE AT LAST.....FREE AT LAST !! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY... I'M FREE AT LAST!!!"