I remember playing house as a kid....I would make my little house out of couch cushions, and get my sweet little powder smelling baby out, thinking " I cant wait to be a real mama.....this is so fun!"
I was rediculiously happy with my pretty little baby that closed its eyes everytime I laid it down, and my cushion house was always tidy.
My baby was well behaved and I never ever wanted to slam my head in a closet door repeatedly.
I had no idea that I was being duped !!
Little girls should be allowed the sweet, quiet, powder smelling baby for a 6 month period..........then it needs to get real up in little girl-ville.
They would then be given the real baby dolls:
These will snot, poop stuff that smells like gut rot, cry like a dying hyena for hours, & vomit soured milk on you.
Some girls will randomly be given ugly babies. Not all babies can be cute !!
Sometimes you get a baby that looks like Tommy Pickles with a lumpy head......its a lesson best learned early.
After 6 months they get a toddler doll:
It will scream like a banchee when you wash its hair, follows you everywhere rubbing playdough on your couch cushion walls, and repeat the word "No" because it is the mantra that brings toddlers inner peace.
The girls would be judged by all other dolly mommies for letting their toddler doll watch too much TV and eat food that comes in a bag.
Because everyone knows you cant properly mother a dolly without tons of useless & unsolicited advice from every other kid with a toddler doll.....duh
6 months later they get the big kid doll:
It will suffer from "opposite syndrome" that effects everything from the food you feed em, to what time they go to bed.
They will have an uncontrollable desire to want the opposite of what you offered, because you are mean........and they dont like it.......and its not fair.
Even after a hundred "butt whiping 101" classes, the girls will find themselves asking their big kid doll: "Did u wipe your butt good?", because the big kid doll will dig in their butt everytime you take them out in public.
TV commercials will activate the " I need" section of the big kid dolls brain, and the girl will slowly feel her soul draining out thru her wallet.
6 months later the tween doll will arrive:
It will idolize no talent drains on society like Justin Beiber and will want you to mortgage the house to buy concert tickets........and you will!
When u arrive at said concert, your tween doll will be a screaming ball of mass hysteria and you will actually pay $27 for a Justin Beiber glow stick........so you can stab yourself with it.
They develop an eye condition that makes their eyeballs spasm & roll everytime they hear your voice.
They will designer duct tape everything, and you better act like you are interested in every single duct tape purse/wallet/bow they make.
If they find out you just wanna take it apart, and tape their mouth shut, you may never be able to stop the " you just dont get it" monologues .
They will speak in text form......."OMG", "gr-8", and "LOL" will be actual words that they use in coversation with other tween dolls.
In hindsight, its probably best that these dolls dont grace the shelves of every toy store.
We would have an entire generation of girls who wear their pajamas out in public and drink entirely too much kool-aid before bed.
Ignorance truly IS bliss.
BUT! If they did have these dolls, there might be less teen pregnancies lol. Once they get past the "aww, that baby is so cute" to "why won't she be queit", they might not be as eager to procreate lol. And lmao at the random ugly babies haha!
ReplyDeleteHa! Preach it sister Dana!
ReplyDelete