My daughter is a Nazi

One of my youngest, Ayla, is the most opinionated and stubborn of my 5 children.
She is beautiful, highly intelligent, fearless, outspoken, absolute in her decisions, a teensie bit obsessive ............ and a royal pain in the rear.

Routine & shedule is rediculiously important to her.

When she wakes you must say good morning first......if you do not you will hear " no be wude ...good moaning mama, says good moaning!"

Then, you must pour her 1/2 a cup of "coppie", which is milk with a dash of pretend creamer......if not, she will follow you saying " Ay-Ya need coppie mama !!!!! COPPIE!!"
* and Lord help if you forget her sisters "cooppie", Ayla may kill you in your sleep*

Breakfast is next. She must have the blue bowl and sit in the Snow White chair at the table, seriously dont put her in the Cinderella chair.........the world, as you know it, will end.

If she becomes overly loud at any point, do not accuse her of shouting and ask her to stop......she will look at you like you're an idiot, and inform you that she isnt shouting.... "Ay-Ya is whining".......get it right, or go get on the short bus.

She will decide the house is too dirty for her liking at some point.
She will get her vacuum and clamor about the house with it.
Slamming it into walls, and displacing all your chairs so she can get underneath em.
Stopping her is fruitless.....the only way a house can be properly clean, is if its ransacked and purified in noise first.
You will then be responsible for the real cleaning.

You will know it is time to eat because she will stand in front of you and repeat " Ay-Ya hunnry"  7,312 times before you are done making it........I recommend shoving a sock in her mouth, but thats frowned upon in most states.

Nap time is usually easy.....IF you follow proper procedure.
She will need a cup, bink, indian flute music and diego (muted) playing on the TV.
Do NOT try to cover her yourself......." do its by my selp" is her favorite saying, and you would do well to heed it.

After her nap there is the usual, lunch, playtime, and movies.......she will not watch the movies.
Dora is only there to drive you insane with her singing backpack & map.
You cannot cut it off.......baby angels will die, and the world will erupt in chaos.
Just keep it on, and keep your head down.

The evening meal will occur much like the other meals of the day, but do not allow the other children to sit anywhere but their appointed seats.
Ayla cannot focus on her meal when you do this.....she  will continually remind you that Nae is in Aubreys seat until your eyes bulge from their sockets from the increase in blood pressure.

After dinner you must allow her to put her own dishes away and wash the table.
To forget this, is an insult of her intelligence and the " Ay-Ya is a big dirl's" will start and never stop.
I repeat, Never-ever-stop.......

Before bed, she will shower, on her own...... Without assistance.
Do not assume she cannot rinse her own hair.
Even when the bubbles are thick and shes hollerin " alls done!!"........just put on your poncho and grab her quickly.
She will drown you as you rinse her head, but thats your own fault for thinking she didnt do a good enough job on her own.

Bedtime is exactly like nap time.......cup, bink, indian flute music and Deigo. Let her cover herself and walk away quickly without making eye contact.

Then pour yourself equal parts coke & crown and have a seat.

You have just survived a single day with one of my youngest offspring.

I am leaving this list of things, you must do, in the event she is left in your care.

You know.......in case I decide to jump off a bridge when she drives me over the deep end.