Toddlers should come with a script for Xanax

I spend all my time in constant worry for my children.

That Lanae will succeed, because I see her working so hard.
That Bre wont get me thrown in jail with her little tales that sound so much worse than they are.
That Jay doesnt come into contact with something solid, like a wall, since he insists on running about the house like a loon.
But the majority of my worries originate with my toddlers.
My pretty little doe eyed girls make me wanna hug a xanax block and just lick it......lick it til my eyes roll back in my head.

This is how my brain works:

No one should have this much snot.....I bet her sinuses are deformed.......Or shes allergic to the world......

That toenail looks funny......Its a fungus....I just know it. We should dip her in bleach to keep it from spreading.

She is the falling-est kid !! Shes either drunk or needs a helmet. Honey !! Smell her breath and tell me if it smells like germex.

She keeps dropping that ball......wonder if her hand eye coordination is screwed up? Maybe she cant feel her arms......she fell yesterday and now she cant feel her arms!!!  My poor numb arm baby !!

Her teeth are coming in funny...........its making my wallet hurt already. All her school pics are gonna be so ganked up.....i need to teach her how to smile with her eyes....

Im pretty sure licking windows isnt normal......I should probably get that checked.....

But grossest of them all, is also the most worrisome.....POOP. Its all Dr OZ's fault too !

When did she eat sand??? Honey !! You been letting em eat dirt again?!?! It isnt supposed to have grains in it !

What kinda color is that?!?!? Thats blue......what can make poop blue?!?!.....i was cleaning windows earlier...
* *and i dont care who you are....you WILL smell it to make sure it it doesnt smell like windex**

Wait.....she hasnt pooped in 1-2-3......days. OMG she has a blockage.....her intestines gotta be twisted......shes swallowed a hotwheels or something, and its blocking her butt.

Oh. MY. GAWD!!!!  That smell * gag* isnt human *gag*. Shes got parvo.......yep its definately parvo......honey !!!
The baby has parvo !!

In summary I have drunk little numb armed window lickers that need head gear, and their poop will lead to my mental demise.